


Like a Stone in Your Throat, An Anvil in Your Stomach

by eyrror



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Okumura Eiji, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Love Confessions, M/M, Oral Sex, Porn with Feelings, Top Ash Lynx
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 14:28:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16599665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eyrror/pseuds/eyrror
Summary: Ash begins to realize that he’d been hinting at his feelings for Eiji since the very beginning. He tried to cover it up, but the only one who couldn’t come to terms with it was him. Finally privy to his own feelings, Ash can’t help but reach out to Eiji, hoping he feels the same.





	Like a Stone in Your Throat, An Anvil in Your Stomach

**Author's Note:**

> I binged this show drunk in like three days (with spurts of grading papers and writing lit reviews littered between so this was a WELCOME break) and I wanted to express my deep, undying affection for it. I love my boys.

“You taking _her_ with ya?” Asked Kong, jabbing a thumb into the room behind Ash as he readied to leave, pulling on a wool trench coat. Eiji sat absently at the kitchen table, swirling his coffee with a teaspoon and reading the paper, pretending as usual not to hear anything the boys said.

 

Ash narrowed his eyes, stopping in stead. “Who are you talking about?”

 

“Your wife over there.”

 

“My what?” Hissed Ash, eyes wide yet glaring at Kong as he got closer, teeth bared.

 

“S-sorry, boss. I guess I misunderstood,” he responded quietly, eyes darting to the floor and hands wringing in front of the larger man.

 

“Well next time you do, just keep your fucking mouth shut. I don’t know what you’re on about,” he grumbled, pushing past Kong and giving Bones a glare while he made his way toward the elevator.

 

Hands balled in fists at his side, Ash hit the elevator down button with the heel of his hand, still trying to figure out exactly what Kong was getting at. He was calling Eiji his wife? Where’d the asshat even get that idea? Bones and Kong stood behind Ash, the redhead giving his partner a look of frustrated exasperation, hands flipped up to the ceiling in question, neither of them saying a word and just mouthing responses to each other.

 

When the elevator dinged to announce its arrival, Ash got on without a word, turning and leaning against the wall and looking between his lieutenants, who didn’t even dare to look up from the floor. Why would Eiji come with them to meet Sing anyway? Because the Lee girl kidnapped them both after Ash finally staved Arthur off after years of rivalry? When had Eiji ever attended gang business with him? Wife, though. Did it have something to do with them living together and the Japanese boy cooking for him, waking him up, doting after him?

 

Ash tried to shove off those thoughts, finding they distracted him from business and he wasn’t even comfortable with the idea that his men were getting possibly keen on how much he let Eiji do that they’d never be allowed to. Arriving on the ground floor, Ash directed his men with the jerk of his head, the three of them filing down the street.

 

After several minutes, it seemed as though Bones and Kong couldn’t take the silence much longer.

 

“Boss? I don’t think Kong was trying to offend or anythin’,” Bones began impishly. “We like Eiji a lot, we ain’t trying to say anything nasty about him.”

 

Kong fessed up, brows furrowed and stretched out his arms to display vulnerability, “Yeah, boss, I promise. We just see how you act around him and all. How you’d do anything for the kid.”

 

“Eiji isn’t a kid, you dolts. He’s older than us.”

 

“So not a kid. But a man you’d do anything for.”

 

“Wife, though? What, you think he’s _pretty_ now?” Asked Ash defensively, turning and glaring at Kong and tilting his head with a scowl, his eyes hard like stone.

 

“No!”

 

“No?”

 

“Jeez, boss, it’s like you don’t want us to win here.”

 

“Us!? You said it, Kong! I had nothing to do with this but trying to lighten shit up again!”

 

Kong let out a sigh, putting his hands out in front of him and waving them submissively at the blonde. “Look, I mean no disrespect and I’m not gonna go talking about how he looks. But you like him, right? Sure seems like it, that’s all I’m saying. You know how people talk on the street. I’m not the first one to be saying this,” he explained defensively, putting his hands back in the pockets of his hoodie and shrugging.

 

“Who else is going around saying this? When did this start?”

 

“Uh, Shorter told us to keep an eye on Eiji’s safety after hearing from one of the pigs that y’all made out in jail. Figured it was a conjugal visit or some shit.”

 

Ash leaned his head back and groaned, swinging back around and walking toward the meeting spot with Sing Soo-Ling, “You little shits can’t help but gossip like suburban mothers, can you? Let’s get this shit with Sing over with and I’ll deal with your rumors later.”

 

“Sorry, boss. You got it,” Kong muttered. Bones pressed his lips into a tight line and shrugged at the larger man, his posture almost insinuating, ‘Hey, could’ve been worse.’

 

Meeting with Sing Soo-Ling went almost according to plan. The Chinese and Ash’s gang nearly got into an altercation before Ash arrived, Soo-Ling not entirely keen yet on roping some of his newer recruits in just yet. With a shot from his silenced revolver into the nearby brick near Sing’s men, everyone stopped at the crackle resounding in the alley.

 

Negotiations ensued, turf was given and taken, and new drug mule routes were agreed on. Sing wasn’t as easy to work around as Shorter was, but he wasn’t the worst guy to have in the area either.

 

“How’s Eiji?” Asked Sing Soo-Ling as their men dispersed after negotiations, feeling caught up enough to get back to work.

 

His hands shoved into the pockets of the trench coat, Ash shrugged, giving Sing a wary look and not planning on even giving a single-word answer.

 

Sing huffed, pouting, and decided to drop the topic. Apparently talking about Eiji wasn’t going to make them any friendlier with one another. If Ash had any interest being friendly at all. “All right, see you around, Lynx.”

 

Ash nodded, turning with a short wave to head back to the apartment he shared with Eiji. The brisk air paired with a fast walk had the blonde panting clouds of steam, pulling his collar up against the wind. It was way too early in the season for snow, but when Ash looked up against the sky, he swore it could’ve been February. The snow was already beginning.

 

Walking faster, Ash found himself thinking about Eiji. Whether he was safe and warm tonight, and not wandering about. He still felt paranoid. The blonde had no idea what he’d do if something happened to Eiji. He’d sooner blackout and go into a year-long rage than do anything reasonable, that was for damn sure.

 

Anxiety about the other’s safety alone had him all but rushing home, a deeper, needling part of him whispering there was a fairly obvious reason why he was so worried. That Eiji wasn’t just a friend. That no one, probably not even Eiji, thought they were _just_ friends.

 

Once arriving to the apartment complex, Ash jammed his finger for their floor and repeatedly pressed the door close button. As he slid their key into the lock, the blonde pushed the door open and sighed at the smell of dinner sitting on the stove, waiting to be eaten together. Because Eiji rarely liked to eat alone. Because he wanted to make sure Ash ate, too.

 

“Eiji?” Called Ash, picking at a green bean from one of the dinner plates and shoving it in his mouth.

 

“Bedroom!” Eiji chirped in response through the shut door.

 

Ash walked into their bedroom, finding it dark and with Eiji looking out over the city, admiring the blanket of white coming down.

 

“I hate when you stand near the windows like that,” murmured Ash as he walked in, a can in his left hand, ambling up towards Eiji. Seeing the Japanese boy standing against the light of the city watching the snowfall like that almost made Ash want to walk up and wrap his arms around Eiji. He just barely stopped short of it, lifting the unopened can of beer to his neck in an attempt to dampen his racing pulse, thinking these things about his friend.

 

Eiji turned with a soft smile and small shrug, his body facing Ash as the blonde looked out the window and slid the can under the pulse point beneath his jaw. The older male furrowed his brows when he saw the can being used as an ice pack.

 

“How are you warm? It’s freezing outside,” frowned Eiji, lifting his hand to caress the back of his fingers against the blonde’s forehead. “Are you sick? Did you get shot?”

 

Ash fought a smile, shaking his head, “I didn’t get shot. Just worked up a sweat coming home in a hurry.”

 

The older male quickly realized the other’s choice of words, feeling his lungs contract for a moment and his eyes soften, concern melting away from them. Ash had called this home.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah, what?” Asked Ash confusedly, pulling the can down to flick the tab back with a hiss, then raising the beer to his lips to take a long sip.

 

“Is this home?”

 

“What else would it be?”

 

“I’m not sure. But you use a lot of words that hold...very strong meanings. From what I know about the connotations of certain English words.”

 

Ash furrowed his brow. Maybe Eiji was on the same page as everyone else in his gang. He was the one catching up. He knew that he said stuff like this all the time, but then acted like it was never a big deal. Part of Ash felt like it was an effort to protect himself, to try and not fall for Eiji like he inevitably would.

 

“Do you realize that?” Asked Eiji when the blonde didn’t respond, tilting his head sweetly.

 

Like snow melting under the sun, Ash’s expression softened when he looked at Eiji and he shook his head. It’d been a long time coming, but he knew it was only a matter of time before he couldn’t deny it to himself any longer. He’d sacrifice anything in his life to keep Eiji safe.

 

“I’ve tried to say goodbye to you so many times, Eiji. I’ve tried to lie to you, but I know you see right through me every time. You know me better than anyone. What do you think?” Asked Ash, putting the beer on his nightstand before lifting his hand to trace under the Japanese boy’s jaw.

 

EIji didn’t say anything. He just watched the blonde, eyes darting between his lips and jade green eyes. Frozen like the city beneath their feet.

 

Ash leaned closer, both hands now cradling Eiji’s face gently.

 

“You see in me everything I wish I was,” added the blonde softly, smiling almost sadly. Like he couldn’t live up to what Eiji wished for him. Like he didn’t deserve it.

 

“I think I knew all along you’d be it for me,” chuckled Ash, his eyes lifting from the other’s lips to curious, worried doe eyes.

 

“It?”

 

“The exact thing that’d take me away from this life.”

 

_One way or another._

 

“I can’t make that decision, Ash,” said Eiji, worry lodged in his throat like a stone, his stomach sinking like an anvil. Of course he wanted the man to give up gang life. But Eiji didn’t want to be the reason why. He didn’t want his asking after the meaningless killings of other gang members to be what made Ash quit. He didn't want to feel like Ash just wanted to escape being nagged and judged. That was the last thing Eiji wanted.

 

“That’s not it,” responded the blonde, shaking his head. “I’ve meant everything I’ve said. Exactly as you think I mean it. From the time I saw you in prison and told you I wished you’d come alone to when I told you I want you by my side. And when you said forever, but I didn’t disagree.”

 

Ash stopped, pulling back a little, examining Eiji’s face for a moment.

 

“Can I kiss you? Because I _do_ want this forever. And not just for now.”

 

“Please,” Eiji all but whispered, his consent quickly chased after like a flame licked out by wind as lips pressed passionately against his. It wasn’t nearly as hurried as their first kiss in prison, imbued with purpose completely different from this.

 

This was intimate. It was the first time he’d truly wanted to kiss someone. Ash drew Eiji closer with his hands on the elder’s face, reaching one hand down to curl into the small of the other’s waist to pull him in tighter.

 

Every little action, the sacrifices, all the words that didn’t quite go far enough. The entire time Ash knew he was telling Eiji that he loved him. It was a matter of realizing it and admitting it in the core of him.

 

Eiji melted into the blonde’s body like wax, parting his lips and pushing his tongue against Ash’s, letting out a moan like dripping golden honey once the other responded in kind, fingers pressing tighter into the smaller man’s waist. He pushed his arms around Ash’s neck, lifting himself on his toes as the blonde tilted his head and pushed his tongue deeper into Eiji’s mouth, groaning softly as he felt the Japanese man tangle his fingers in snow-damp hair.

 

After several minutes, the elder finally broke for air, trying to pull away, only to have Ash moving his lips from the man’s mouth to his neck, kissing and dragging his tongue against the other’s pulse. “Eiji, thank you for staying by my side. Always,” he hummed against the hollow of the other’s throat, kissing the Adam’s apple situated in the center.

 

“I never want to leave you,” said the other quietly, closing his eyes and gulping as his breath began to come out in soft puffs of air. Ash slid both hands to Eiji’s hips, pulling them flush against his own and feeling the hardness between the both of them.

 

“Then don’t,” murmured Ash, stopping suddenly and pressing his forehead to the other’s throat as his head was tilted back, steadying his breathing and his heart. It felt like everything was on fire. It felt like too much, but not enough all at once. Like he needed Eiji.

 

“Do you want me?” Asked the blonde, concerned for the answer of such a question for the very first time in his life. He pulled back, looking at Eiji and using a hand to direct the man to look at him.

 

With the most tender smile Ash had ever been fixed with, Eiji nodded, moving his hands into Ash’s hair once more and pulling him into another kiss. This one softer, more patient. Understanding and intimate to an almost painful extent.

 

Ash pulled away with a small sigh, pulling Eiji’s shirt over his head and casting it to the side, then walking the Japanese man back into one of their beds. As Eiji’s knees hit the back, he sat down and leaned back against the bed, trying to give the blonde room as he scooted up.

 

Fluidly, Ash followed his motions with practiced grace but ever concerned expressions. He cupped the other’s jaw once more, looking in his eyes deeply. After a moment, he leaned back, pulling the sweater he wore over his head and covering Eiji’s body with his own, pressing their hips together and rolling them low and rhythmically at first.

 

Earning a soft whine from the Japanese man under him, Ash smiled, leaning down and resuming kissing the pale, milk-white neck before him.

 

If the others thought Eiji was his, perhaps he’d oblige the notion, thought Ash as he sucked a mark into the side of the other’s neck, listening to the mewls that fell from his lips all the while.

 

Eiji, his hands curled into Ash’s muscled shoulder and angular hip, began to grind against the blonde’s hardening cock with his own. When the taller male let out a low groan against Eiji’s collarbone, the other bit his lip and continued to rut against him.

 

“Please, Ash, you’re just teasing,” managed Eiji, his voice already wrecked and hoarse in his attempts to control it as he sat up against the bed, leaning on his elbows.

 

With a chuckle, Ash simply moved down Eiji’s body, dragging his hands teasingly down the Japanese male’s torso, and then undoing the button and zipper, pushing the other’s jeans down easily and eyeing the expectant bulge that rose to meet his eyes.

 

Eiji watched Ash lick his lips at the image, and the elder leaned his head back, moaning. “Please...touch me,” he whined.

 

Finally accommodating Eiji’s desires, Ash pressed his mouth against the other’s straining briefs, tonguing at the other’s cock through them and tasting the pre that leaked into them. Ash snuck his hands under Eiji’s ass, kneading and groping him as he teased the elder’s member. He then pulled the soaked briefs down, quickly replacing the fabric clinging to Eiji’s cock with his lips, swallowing the other down his throat and beginning to move his mouth up and down, tongue laving at the underside of the member in his mouth as he revelled in the Japanese male’s sweet moans. Ash reached for the bedside table while working on the cock in his mouth. As Eiji’s hips stuttered, Ash pinned them down with one hand, more to tease the boy he pleasured than to make it any easier on himself. Pulling out a bottle of lube from the bedside drawer, he let up his hand from the other’s hip to coat three fingers.

 

“Tell me if it hurts too much, Eiji,” requested Ash, pausing before he said the other’s name and loving how it felt on his tongue in such an intimate context.

 

He used a hand to spread the other’s legs wide, using a single finger to gently tease at Eiji’s rim before slowly pushing in, Ash’s mouth working his cock all the while to distract from the pain. Eiji was painfully tight, making the blonde work slowly to open him up and get him to relax.

 

“I promise I won’t hurt you. I won’t let anyone hurt you,” reassured Ash, pulling off for a moment and kissing the older male’s inner thigh. Eiji had since collapsed back against the bed and nodded against it, gasping and trying to get used to the sensation of being entered by something other than his own fingers and fantasy.

 

As Ash fucked the other on his fingers, sucking him off at the same time, he steadily began to feel Eiji lose control in his inexperience, and then begin to thrust his hips up into Ash’s mouth and back against his fingers. The older male’s eagerness only served to turn Ash on more, just barely pushing his hips against the bed to give his cock some semblance of friction and attention.

 

“You’re so beautiful,” Ash said as he gazed at the other beneath him, face gloriously red, cock standing painfully at attention, and mouth breathing out a sultry mix of sighs and whimpers. The blonde could tell just how badly Eiji needed this, and Ash felt every bit the same.

 

He pulled out his fingers, wiping the excess lube against the bedsheets, pulling away to take off his pants. The sudden lack of warmth and stimulation caused Eiji’s eyes to fly open and for him to sit up, terrified he might’ve done something wrong.

 

“It’s all right, I’m here,” he mumbled, kicking off his pants and boxers faster so that he could get close to Eiji again, not wanting to be far from the other’s warmth in the moment. Slicking up his cock, Ash lined his knees up with Eiji’s thighs, who let his calves loosely hug the other’s hips, looking up into his eyes with a mix of lust, nerves, and excitement.

 

Focusing on lining his cock up to the other’s entrance, Ash looked up for only a second, his eyes going from furrowed in concentration to relaxed again as soon as he saw Eiji’s face, soft and ever seeing the light in him, even in the basest of circumstances.

 

Before he could go further, Ash’s lips parted and his throat closed up. After a moment, he blinked a couple times and then tried to speak once more.

  
“Eiji?”

 

In response, Eiji reached up to caress the blonde’s jaw.

 

“Yes, Ash?”

 

“I love you, Eiji,” he said softly, smiling and furrowing his brows in an uncharacteristic display of shyness. Eiji’s eyes brightened as much as they widened and a grin broke out across his face.

 

“You finally said it,” sighed Eiji in exasperation, his body and expression relaxing. “I’m...happy you’ll be my first time. I love you, too.”

 

With a nod and a soft smile, Ash began to press into Eiji, slowly bottoming out and steadying himself with a hand planted by the other’s head in the pillows, the other on his partner’s hip. “Tell me to slow down if you need me to.”

 

“Would you mind moving at all?”

 

Ash tsked, rolling his eyes with a smile at the other’s ability to still be playful and irritating. He began to thrust his hips, slowly and with a consistent rhythm at first, all while watching the expression of the man beneath him. Eiji gasped as the other began to move, his lips falling into a gracious little ‘o’ as he covered his face with his forearm. Ash allowed him to hide for a little bit as he adjusted, but then sped up his hips to a snapping motion with a grunt, taking both of Eiji’s wrists in hand and pinning them above his head so that the blonde could watch the Japanese male unravel before him.

 

As Ash did this, Eiji opened his eyes to meet Ash’s, panting out his name with elegant brows furrowed.

 

“More?”

 

“Faster,” he choked out, eyes sliding shut before Ash rutted against the other’s body quicker and harder, keeping Eiji’s wrists pinned with one hand but lifting  his hips with another to change their angle. Driving deeper into the older male, Ash tilted his hips as he thrusted in ever so slightly, earning a near-yelp from Eiji that told Ash he’d found the man’s prostate. The blonde continued, trying to match the exact movement that made the other cry out, thrusting harder and watching Eiji closely, groans spilling out of his mouth at a higher frequency now that his partner was getting louder, too.

 

Feeling his prostate hit with almost every thrust, Eiji squeezed his eyes shut tightly, moans of pleasure now coming out as broken sobs before the blonde used the hand holding his wrists to begin pumping his blushed purple cock. Eiji immediately wrapped his arms around Ash’s neck, pulling him close so that the blonde pressed their foreheads together. Ash had barely touched his cock when Eiji felt himself cumming with a silent shout, back arched as his seed shot between them.

 

As Eiji came, Ash felt the older male’s body contract around his cock, wringing a groan from his lips as his hips began to rut into the other wildly, eyes shutting on instinct as he groaned out his release, hips stunted deep inside of Eiji and right up against his oversensitive prostate, forcing a weak moan from the Japanese man’s kiss-bruised lips.

 

Ash hovered over Eiji, his elbows holding him up on either side of the man below him, the both of them panted, Ash’s face pressed against Eiji’s cheek. Feeling the tenseness in his body from staying so still, the blonde pulled out and rolled over on his side, but still made sure he was touching his partner in every place he could, wrapping his arm around the older male and pulling him close.

 

“How was that for your first time?” Chuckled Ash good-naturedly, honestly not expecting an answer until Eiji opened his eyes and sighed, looking at him like he was the best thing about his life. Like he was looking at his entire world and absolutely nothing could change just how much he loved Ash.

 

“Better than I ever dreamed,” answered Eiji, moving closer to Ash and leaning his head against the other’s heart, overworked thanks to the Japanese man’s words alone, their sex notwithstanding.

 

“Whew, good. If you stayed silent, that probably would’ve been a deep cut to my ego.”

 

“Hm, if it meant humbling you a bit, maybe I should’ve,” teased Eiji, kissing the other’s chest. Ash could feel the smile in it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed it! I've never written these guys before, so fingers crossed they're at least moderately in character. 
> 
> Comments are wholly appreciated and cherished. <3
> 
> Anyhow, if you wanna follow me and get immediate updates on my writing, follow me on [tumblr](https://www.eyrror.tumblr.com)!


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